Reflections, Memories and Multiple Transits

by Fernanda Paiva

I thought about writing this article on many different topics within the astrological field, but what came out was the urge to share a little about my experience having multiple transits, especially the challenging Pluto transits to my personal planets and what has been learnt, a mix of confirming the information provided in some of the classic astrological text books, with what has personally been useful to me in order to survive a time of multiple inner deaths and turmoil.

The other day I was flicking through my ephemeris and gazing at the planetary positions for the year of 2024. It looks like this is going to be a powerful time for me as there will be a combination of transits from outer planets as well as important solar arc directions activating different parts of my astrology chart, reflecting a potent time of transformation again… 

This brought me a slight discomfort, as astrologers we do have access to information that most people don’t have, like for example the capacity for timing intense life changing events, but when we go that much further into the future and away from the present moment we are bound to feel anxious. This ability to foresee points out to our eternal dance with the cosmos but is in the present moment that we fill in the gaps of potentials that the symbolism reflects. Not the other way around.

But, wouldn’t be useful knowing what is coming for you? I am tempted to say yes and no simultaneously. When we have that much time, like me currently looking into the ephemeris of 2024, what can I really do about that? How can I really prepare myself for the coming cosmic weather? Would that be empowering in any way or rather the cause of anxiety, especially when we are looking into future multiple transits?

This question is a very relevant one as there is a very fine line between using astrology for the empowerment of oneself and others and making use of the subject in a limiting, frightening, or even as a justification for our short comings. ‘I can’t sort my financial life out because of Neptune in my second house’ type of phrase seems to be very common in the astrological community. I have fallen into these kinds of conversations myself many times as well and I wonder how to best avoid that sort of thing? I feel that we are so much ingrained in the ‘cause and effect’ world view that is really challenging not to speak in those terms even when we don’t fully believe in it!

There is also the danger of using astrology as a way to disengage with the experience at hand, we as astrologers can always put experiences in a planetary box of some kind, allowing ourselves space to breathe from whatever upsets us, but at the same time, risking to dissociate from our feelings and emotions, a not so healthy attitude in psychological terms.

Astrology brings those deep questions to the table!

It was 2012 (plus the following few years) when my first (conscious) experience of multiple transits took place. During that time, I had my Saturn Return, Neptune opposing my Sun and Mercury and squaring my Mars, Uranus opposing my Moon and finally, Pluto forming a square to my Moon. I was painfully stretched out of my comfort zone in so many different ways, like having each one of my limbs tied to 4 horses running in different directions… I was dismembered. It was an intense time of inner and outer transformation

Pluto square Moon has taught me many things, there were so many layers to it that I still find challenging to put into words everything that I believe has happened within and without.  When there is a transit from the outer planets to a personal planet in someone’s chart, there are many layers of transformation and rearrangement happening simultaneously that it’s difficult to describe in simple terms. Every time I try to describe what happened to me internally in the last 5 years, every word that I have tried using to pin down the transformations, were somehow inefficient. I always feel like a big part of what was really going on is left out. Perhaps this could be because I’m still digesting everything that happened within myself? Not sure. One thing is for certain, the experience has deepened my understanding of astrology and my relationship with my clients as a result of the deepening in my relationship to myself and life in general.

When Pluto started forming the first exact square to my Moon in Libra, I was living in London with my older brother and an old friend and wanting to move on for a long time but still didn’t have the courage to do it. I was already very independent in many aspects of my life, but there was something on the emotional side that was still lingering, and I wanted to overcome that dependency by moving out. I was also into environmental stuff, spirituality and other subjects which they did not share an interest with me (note, my natal Moon is placed in the 11th house of like-minded groups of people!).

I decided to move out when the Pluto-Uranus square in the sky was exact and activating my natal Moon to the degree.

As a young astrologer with the Ascendant in Scorpio, the astrological sign known for the all or nothing approach to life, I left my home in London without having another place to go to. That’s when I started moving around a lot and living some kind of gipsy life. 

During that time there were many moments of plutonic revelation combined with emotional detox.

When Pluto was transiting my Moon, I don’t think that I needed to try hard to keep in touch with my emotions as they were so overwhelmingly strong that there was no way I could avoid them. But I did manage to keep my head above water by knowing my astrology, by thinking symbolically and imagining myself to be taking mythological trips into the underworld.

The symbolic context gave me solace. It gave me a broader perspective for all of the suffering that came up.

Astrology helped me to observe, with a tiny bit of space in between my transforming ego and the myriad of childish old emotional debris, which was screaming at me so loudly, that if it wasn’t for the astrological context, it would have probably driven me mad, at least temporarily, I think.

I feel that many of the different dimensions/layers of symbolism represented by the astrological Moon weren’t left untouched in my case. From the relationship to my mother, to childhood memories, issues of emotional dependency, to more general themes like my relationship to the feminine and motherhood, housing situation, including a change of daily habits and diet, were all activated and transformed during this period of time. Childish patterns in relationships and issues of intimacy, to my horror, as I had never seen that side of myself so clearly before, were also intensely revealed.

My natal Moon is in the 11th house in Libra and I planned to leave my life in London behind after meeting someone that was building a sustainable community in the countryside in the UK. I fell in love madly with that person and decided that that was the sign I needed, and I thought it fitted well with the symbolism of my transits and also of my natal chart. I always thought that living in an alternative community would make me happy. It turned out that not only was I repeating unconscious manipulative behaviour used in many of my previous relationships, but that that was a behaviour inherited from my mother and I didn’t see it before. Suddenly I could see my detrimental relationship patterns so much more, it was baffling!

I think that if we are willing to see, during a Pluto transit, the darkest sides of our psyches can be revealed to us and hopefully reintegrated. I think that a lot of the themes of disempowerment versus empowerment attributed to Pluto’s symbolism in astrology lies in this process of shedding light into the darker corners of ourselves. Witnessing the darkness without necessarily needing to do anything about it can be very empowering, watching it without giving in to the ‘fixing mentality’, the idea that we are not fine the way we are, that we constantly need to fix ourselves.  

I quit a job in the café I worked in London and I gave the notice that I was moving out from my house before confirming my next move to the community. He broke up with me a little later, and I suddenly not only had a broken heart to mend but was also without much money (Pluto was transiting my second house) and without a place to go to. I was terrified, but at the same time, I just knew I shouldn’t go back on my decision to leave everything behind. I needed to go away and work on my fears.

In the beginning, instead of moving to a sustainable community in the beautiful English countryside, I ended up at a friend’s house for a few days, maybe couple of weeks, a flat without many windows and with around 5 people that would watch television regularly (something that I prided myself for not doing anymore) and smoking god knows how many cigarettes a day. It felt like I was in a dark and smoky box, almost the total opposite of what I wanted and expected to happen to me, sustainable community, fresh air, healthy lifestyle…

The situation gave me strength to desperately find somewhere else to go to, and that’s when I went to volunteer in the garden of a herbalist in the southwest country for two weeks.

(Interestingly, relating with strongly plutonic women during that time is also a big part of what I went through in my Pluto-Moon transit.)

After those two weeks I found a place to volunteer in another community, an educational charity in the Forest of Dean, for two months. I then left with a friend and we hitchhiked from Amsterdam to Istanbul for 3 months and after that I travelled to an Island in Thailand where I did an intensive yoga course exactly when Pluto was forming the second or third square to my Moon. This is when I managed to quit smoking and I also had a healing crisis and felt very sick on my own for about a week. More purging took place then…      

It seemed like the nature of what was going on with me during those years, and the intensity of my emotional response, are very much in tune with what is normally found in the astrological textbooks. I once heard astrologer Sue Thompkins saying that in her opinion transiting Pluto in hard aspect to either the natal Moon or Venus are the most emotionally painful transits of all.

I think I can vote for that!

When I was around 21, transiting Pluto was forming a few sets of squares to my natal Venus and it was at that time, to my shock, that me and my mother found out she was HIV positive. That was a shattering, very emotionally painful and challenging time for me as well.

So, in my experience, Sue was right in her observation.

But what do we do when staring at an ephemeris and gazing at the coming transit from Pluto to one of our personal planets? 

I think about my personal guide for surviving a Pluto transit to natal Venus or Moon and what would I say to myself if I could go back in time and meet younger me:

- Acknowledge your emotions, don’t avoid them if you can. Work on being aware of and becoming a strong container for whatever is coming up.

- Naming the part of your psyche which is terribly achy is also helpful, so for instance, when the inner child is feeling betrayed and abandoned, or the inner lover, etc, so you can somehow facilitate an inner dialogue.

- Therapy if available, any kind of therapy that you feel drawn to, I highly recommend taking up as deep work and understanding can be achieved during this time. 

- Be true to yourself, no matter what.

And

- Know that this too shall pass.

In the end, some years have gone by and when I look up in the mirror, I see a more solid image reflected. Since those years I haven’t been in a situation where fear took me over anymore. I feel more capable of looking after myself and of taking up life’s challenges head on, and I hope that I can share this learning with my clients by either telling a bit of my story, or sharing an advice when asked, or perhaps, by just being present for them, unflinchingly present.

Image sources:
Storm/Coast: Image by Antonios Ntoumas from Pixabay
Box with memories: Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay
Attic window: Image by Myriam Zilles from Pixabay
Yoga: Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Published by: www.infinityastrologicalmagazine.com, Jan/Feb 2020.

Author:
Fernanda Paiva is a practicing astrologer with a BA. in History and she acquired her astrology certificate with distinction at the London School of Astrology. She has been published by Flare UK, Vice Brazil and the AA Journal and she is currently doing the MA in Cultural Astronomy and Astrology at the University of Wales. Fernanda is originally from Brazil but has been living in the UK for the past 11 years and she will be doing a talk at the Astrological Association Conference in 2020 on the Astrology of The Handmaid’s Tale.  
Her blog: https://hitchhikingstars.wordpress.com/

© 2020 - Fernanda Paiva - Infinity Astrological Magazine

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